Q.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. We moved in together after dating for four months. I believe he is my soul mate and I want things to work with us. He has a past that is hard for me to get over. He was previously married for about three months and has a son with her. I try to get along with his son (who is 5). He has medical issues and is hyper, and I dread seeing him every other weekend because it makes me think of my boyfriend’s previous life. The worst part for me is thinking he had everything with someone, and I'm jealous of that. My boyfriend is thinking about ending the relationship because I keep rehashing my jealousy. I feel horrible for even being jealous. What can I do to get past this so I can build a relationship with his son and we can be a family?

 —Feeling Insignificant

A.

Dear Feeling Insignificant,

Girlfriend, why are you taking your personal beef out on an innocent 5-year-old? Does your guy give you a hard time because you’re not as virginal as newly fallen snowflakes? You say your boyfriend “is thinking about ending the relationship because [you] keep rehashing [your] jealousy.” Who would blame him? No healthy person wants to live with someone constantly haranguing him over a past he can’t change.

Seek counseling. In the meantime, list the things boyfriend loves about you. When you’re together, focus only on those things. Remind yourself that he’s with you because he wants to be. And remember that it will be your present behavior that will sabotage getting “things to work” in your future!

 —Dr. Gilda