Q: I'm one of those "nice guys" who gets complimented on the way he treats the woman he's with, and women in general. However, I always end up getting the soul crushing, "you're a nice guy, but not for me" good-bye; the "there's someone out there for you, but it's not me" statement or the "I love you, but not that way" speech. Each feels like an acid-dipped knife slowly being twisted in my wound.
What does it take to be more than the "too-nice-to-date" guy friend who wears his heart on his sleeve, but never gets to be the boyfriend? Do I have to become the heartless guy that women seem to swoon over?
—Nice Guys Finish Last
Dear Nice Guy,
Here’s the Dr. Gilda nice guy mantra:
You identify yourself as someone who “wears his heart on his sleeve.” Kill that description! It positions your heart for personal nose-wiping and brow-mopping—and housekeeping is not the intended purpose of your precious fourth chakra.
The options of being either a rejected victim or “heartless” are harsh extremes. You’re intentionally attracting unlikely partners to confirm your feelings as a loser in love. Dude, swallow a dose of self-regard, and cease struggling so hard. Inspiration, not desperation, is what attracts. When you’re fully equipped with a sturdy spine, appropriate women will join your fan club.
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***About: Dr. Gilda Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Lifestyle Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a keynote motivational speaker, Management Consultant, Professor Emerita, and author of 17 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show.