Q.

I was with my boyfriend for about three years. I thought I was a great partner; I supported him when he was down — financially and emotionally — and I thought we were happy. Then I found out he was cheating with a neighbor, and this was the fifth time he had been unfaithful! I threw him out of my house.

We've been apart for six months, and he swears he will change. Now he’s crying for me to give him another chance, and when I ask who else he's seeing, he swears on his life there's no one else. But then I get into his phone records, and I find he's texting four other women. Again, he cries, begs, and tells me he needs someone to pay attention to him, since I am not there anymore. He says he can't stand life without me, and he'll do whatever it takes to get me back.

He's proven over and over that he cannot be with one woman. I offered him an open relationship and he was offended. Dare I even consider that this guy learned his lesson and is now finally ready to be honest with me and have his first grown-up relationship at 42? Yes, he's 42! Please, please help me.

 — One More Chance?

A.

Dear One More Chance (no question mark!),

Dude got caught cheating, and now he says "he will change." "Will" is the operative word here. If he hasn’t yet, why should he now? Yet you are "daring" to "even consider that this guy learned his lesson and can be honest" now and is "finally ready to have his first grown-up relationship." Honey, you're living on Uranus! What would make the dude suddenly ready — at 42?

Face the facts: He admits that "he needs someone to pay attention to him." Translation: You'll have to breast-feed the infant 24/7 so he constantly feels nurtured. IS THIS REALLY OK WITH YOU? As you’ve considered an “open relationship,” and now a reunion, I’m afraid you're the one who needs to grow up!

— Dr. Gilda

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