Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for one year. After three months, I let him convince me to move in together. He was so sweet and thoughtful at first, but now he gets insecure. He doesn't want me to hang out with anyone else, even with female friends. He acts very selfish, controlling, and immature and never wants to take responsibility for his actions. He sets a double standard, so he feels he can do something, but I can't. Plus, he's very dramatic and can nag the heck out of everybody. On top of that, he is very condescending.
I made the mistake of giving up a lot for this relationship, including my schooling, while he was just taking and taking. I love him very much, but I'm starting to reach my limit with his crap. I know he loves me, but right now love doesn't seem to be enough. He's emotionally draining me, and I'm not sure what I should do.
— Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl,
OK, I get that your boyfriend is "insecure," "controlling," "selfish," "immature," "dramatic," "nagging," "condescending," and a "taker" rather than a "giver." With all these “great” qualities, it's obvious why you say, "I love him" and "he loves me" — NOT! Lady, it's time to advance from being a "girl" to a "woman."
Sustainable relationships must enhance your status, not “emotionally drain” you. You say you "made the mistake of giving up a lot for this relationship." Now I’m confused. Why are you still unsure of what you "should do?” Follow this Gilda-Gram:
"If you’re in a miserable union, forget a 12-Step Program; you only need two steps: Get Up, Get OUT!!”
— Dr. Gilda
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***About: Dr. Gilda Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Lifestyle Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a keynote motivational speaker, Management Consultant, Professor Emerita, and author of 17 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show.