Q.

 I have been dating a guy for eight months. He calls me his "playtoy," not his “girlfriend,” to his friends and co-workers. But he is always sweet, saying he misses me and cares.  I’m ashamed I went through his text messages, but when I did, I saw him sexting a girl he knew in high school. I was upset and asked about this. He said it’s no big deal, and they’ve been sexting for years. I asked if he saw me in his future, and he replied he's still figuring stuff out. Should I be heading for the door? I can't be with another emotionally unavailable guy, and I'm wondering if I'm just so jaded that I either don't see the red flags or that I’m looking for ones that aren't there.

 —Sexting Her, Dating Me

A.

Dear Sexting Her, Dating Me,

The moment you feel compelled to question if someone sees you in his crystal ball, that’s the moment you’ve derived your answer!  Dude is a player.  And he even calls you his “play TOY.”  Which syllable of “play-er” don’t you get? Saying he misses you and cares is not showing he misses you and cares. If you trusted him, you wouldn’t be rummaging through his texts. But now that you know he’s sexual with someone on the side, why are you still hanging on?

You say, “I can’t be with another emotionally unavailable guy.” Girlfriend, what do you think you’re with now?  It’s not being jaded that’s giving you tunnel vision; it’s your desperation for love. Dump the dude, build your trust, and find a partner who truly believes you’re “girlfriend” material.

 —Dr. Gilda

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