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Friday, April 5, 2013

MY BF DOESN'T PAY ANY BILLS. SHOULD I LEAVE HIM?

Hi, Everyone,

Could you please do me a very big favor? My team just switched my FB account to a FB Fan Page because I could not accommodate more than the 5,000 friends FB allows.  There are all kinds of restrictions with FB Pages that I didn't have before, and I can't write to anyone, unless they first initiate conversation with me as one of my fans.  I MISS the old features, and I MISS my FB friends.  So could you please VISIT me at www.facebook.com/drgildaSHARE my posts with your friends, and CONVERSE with me?  Thank you!
Love,
Dr. Gilda



Here's the first "30-Second Therapist" question for this week on the Today Show website:  
Q: My divorced boyfriend and I recently moved in together. My kids are 17 and 12. His 24-year-old daughter just got married, and his son is away at college. My concern is that he doesn't pay any bills until there is a disconnect notice, and what little bit of money he has left he doesn't manage well. All my money goes to rent, food, gas and necessities. He sends his son money whenever he asks, without keeping track. They are both overdrawn every month. I love him so much, and he's such a kind man, but this is driving me crazy. He also pays for his daughter's phone and her health insurance, even though she’s 24 and married.  His ex-wife nickels and dimes him to death down to half his co-pays and prescriptions. I've told him many times that he needs to budget his money, and see where he can cut his expenses, but nothing changes. He will never let me control his money.  What do I do?? —Loving at a Loss
Dear Loving at a Loss, 
When two people cohabitate, it’s hoped that one won’t have to “save” the other.  But you’re already “mommying” your guy-with-no-gonads. Since you’re paying the “rent, food, gas and necessities,” there’s no incentive for loverboy to contribute to the partnership.
It’s unlikely bf’s ex and kids will stop bleeding him, and he apparently enjoys feeling like “the man” with them. He further struts his crushed dignity by blocking your “control [of] his money,” and thereby enunciates his sense of worth with you.
You’ve got a whopping relationship problem! “Such a kind man” is really a wuss you’ll soon disrespect.  My Gilda-Gram™ points out, “Loving saviors direct their mates to save themselves.” Either demand equal participation, or find someone more responsible to love. —Dr. Gilda
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) at www.DrGilda.com is the Relationship Expert to the Stars.  She recently conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center's medical & dental students. She writes the weekly “30-Second Therapist” for the Today Show website, & she was the Relationship Expert for "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" on Investigation Discovery. She is a product spokesperson, motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, & author of 15 books, including "Don't Bet on the Prince!" (test question on "Jeopardy") & “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). DR. GILDA was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah. She was also MTV Online’s “Love Doc” & the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda Show.” 

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