Readers, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
Q:I don't want to be alone, but I can't stand living with a man! When I just want to be alone and have had a bad day, the guy I’m dating is always thinking it has to do with him. I get the question, "You’ve been distant with me. Is it me?" These constant questions make me feel like he’s very self-involved. I seem to date a lot of guys like this, and it makes me want to be alone. The guys are always helpful, loving and faithful, which is rare from my past experiences. But I can't stand them always wanting to be together. I need my time. Am I stingy? Am I asking too much? I have never dealt well with living with someone because I really like my space when I need it, and don't want to leave my own home to get it. Is there something wrong with me? I want to be in a relationship, but I just don't last long in them. —Space Hungry
Dear Space Hungry, As people have differing appetites for sex, they have varied needs for space. It took an architect to identify my requirements for expansion, rather than constriction, and then I observed how it played out, from my living preferences to my signature!
You don’t have to apologize to want alone time. But, girlfriend, anyone involved with someone is obliged to convey her needs and boundaries. You’ve been communicating fraudulently because you don’t want to lose these “helpful, loving and faithful” finds. Perhaps you’re fearful they’ll reject your wishes, and prove they’re not such prizes, after all. You can’t have it both ways! My Gilda-Gram™ advises, “Expose your clean linen early, and avoid the pressure to disclose your dirty laundry later.”