"ASK DR. GILDA":
DO I EXPECT TOO MUCH?
Courtesy of Match.com’s Happen Magazine
Dear Dr. Gilda,
I am a 37-year-old very attractive woman. I have filed
for divorce and bought a new place for my son and
myself. Recently, I posted my profile online. I met a
man who's 52 with two grown kids. We went on
several dates over the next few weeks and found we
had a lot in common. What bothered me was
|You might be beautiful, but you sure don't understand men.|
that it always had to be me to send
email or a text message to firm up
our plans. After we slept together, I
felt the need to talk to him about
stopping seeing other people or
hiding our profiles online until we see where our
relationship was going.
When I started the conversation, he made a joke out
of it. He said we can see other people, but only have
sex with each other. The conversation was going in
circles. After I came home, I called him and raised the
question again. I told him I was getting emotionally
involved and I needed to know where we stood. He
said he would think about it. Later that night, I sent
him a text message saying we needed to finish the
conversation that very night. He texted back, "I hear
what you are saying, but sadly can't agree with it at
this point." My reply back was, "We shouldn't see
each other any more." Was I too hasty?
– Heartbroken Beauty
Dear Heartbroken Beauty,
You might be beautiful, but you sure don't understand
men. As my Gilda-Gram says, "Men are hunters, and
hunters need to hunt." They enjoy the uncertainty of
the chase, and they get especially pumped by having
to work hard to land their prey.
You say, "What bothered me was that it always had to
be me to send an email or a text message to firm up
our plans." Girlfriend, you've been doing the heavy
lifting. You didn't even give this guy a chance to firm
up plans, much less breathe, without you intervening.
Then, within less than a month, you slept with this
hunter and immediately followed the sleepover by
insisting on a committed bond. That was far more
carcass than he had set out to hunt. Even if a guy
thought you were the most gorgeous woman on
|Discover what you love to do and pursue it vigorously.|
earth, with all that pressure, he'd run
for them-thar hills. Stunning starlets
get dumped all the time, but plainer
gals who understand the hunt are
You ask, "Was I too hasty?" Your question refers to
telling this guy goodbye. But you were indeed too
hasty in giving up the goods so soon. For this hunter,
as for all hunters, there was no longer uncertainty in
the chase, and he just lost interest. I know, I know,
the next question I always get in my seminars is,
"Why do I have to play games?" That's the wrong
interpretation of the hunter's psyche. Don't ever,
ever, ever play love games! Instead, become so
immersed in your own fascinating life that anyone
who knows you will want to share your excitement.
That's what keeps dudes bonded to women, not their
Here's what I recommend you do now:
- Get over beauty as your currency and start developing your inner passions. Discover what you love to do and pursue it vigorously.
- Make friends with other women who share your interests and go out with them as often as you date men. Don't be over-invested in finding and "catching" a man.
- Play the field without trying to rush serious romance. Nature's hand doesn't tug at the roots to make its flowers grow. Everything happens in its own (and perfect) time.
interested. If you're more intrigued by a man than he
is by you, back off. Let him take the time to
appreciate you for the prize you are, which you will
be, once you contribute something substantive to the
mix that won't fade over time.