Lately, I’ve been discussing the Royal Wedding in the media. In light of my book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” I’ve been cautioning people not to allow this Cinderella fantasy to affect their own love life. Thank you for your feedback on the interviews I’ve done across the world. Now onto reality!
I’ve been writing my “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com for years. The questions that most grip me are those where people abdicate their power. The guy below tried to control his ex, and she did the healthy thing and actually left him. I’m sure he wasn’t happy to hear me say “Yay” for that! Now years later, he’s playing victim—and of course, hurting. He says he desperately wants my help to “get out of this mess.” I don’t mollycoddle this guy, and my advice to him may surprise you! Let me know.
My Ex is Holding Me Back
His former fiancé broke his heart, and now that she’s married, he can’t understand why she’s staying in touch.
Courtesy of Match.com’s Happen Magazine
Dear Dr. Gilda,
My ex and I were each other’s first loves in high school, and we got engaged when she was 21. Soon after that, she got a new job, and that’s when the changes started. She decided to quit school because she wanted to become a model, and I told her modeling was not for women who wanted to get married and have babies early in life. We had an argument about it, and then we broke up so she could pursue her dreams. I tried to stop her, but nothing worked. She moved away and I was heartbroken.
We kept in touch and the false hope began to really get to me. I saw psychiatrists and lost a lot of weight; I even took a break from college. Anyhow, one day almost a year later she called and said she was engaged, and it killed me. I didn’t sleep for three days straight, and then I told her never to contact me again because it was too painful.
I somehow managed to survive all this and refocus on my own life, but I haven’t been able to date anyone else since my fiancé. Now, over a year later, she’s just called me to wish me a happy birthday and said she will call me every year on my birthday out of respect for the love and friendship we once had. I don’t know if she has second thoughts about her marriage or if she is just messing with my head or what is going on. How do I tell the person I loved the most that speaking to her is holding me back in life? Why would she do this to me? Help me get out of this mess without hurting myself any further, please!
Can’t Let Go
Click http://tinyurl.com/43ryk4v to read my response. I’m also anxious to hear YOUR comments on this topic.
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is an internationally known psychotherapist, relationship educator, and management consultant. She is Match.com’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.” She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” AND NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing. DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!” She is currently developing her own TV show. Visit www.DrGilda.com and get her Instant Advice!