ANNOUNCING--
Dr. Gilda’s New E-Book Program:
“HOW TO WIN WHEN YOUR MATE CHEATS”
--For All Who Have Been (or May Someday Be) Cheated On—
So the person you love cheated. You are raging (!!!), you feel humiliated and played, and you probably want to murder the lying traitor. (I know; I’ve been there!) But now, what are you really gonna do?
This Gilda-Gram says it all: “When a betrayal happens TO you, it really happens FOR you.” Betrayal signals that your relationship has been on shaky ground. You can either avoid this truth, or you can finally do something to mend it or end it.
Your choices are:
1. Become a “poor me” VICTIM. Depressing!
2. Become a vengeful FIGHTER. Exhausting!
3. Become a take-charge WINNER. Triumphant!!
According to the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, after a betrayal, 65% of mates stay together, and with guidance, build a stronger union. Of the 35% who split, most question why they waited so long. Betrayal can move you toward a richer future, IF YOU USE IT AS A TOOL.
I have counseled betrayed partners like you and me, and also celebrities, politicians, and executives. This experience can break you—if you let it! So I developed a 4-Volume, 400+ page E-Book Program called HOW TO WIN WHEN YOUR MATE CHEATS. It shows you how to USE your betrayal TO YOUR BENEFIT!!
HOW TO WIN WHEN YOUR MATE CHEATS
Vol. 1: Why Cheaters Keep Cheating
Vol. 2: The One You Love Is the One You’ll Leave
Vol. 3: How to Cope with the Cheater You Love
Vol. 4: To Mend or to End?
Included are 15 Skill-Builder Bonus exercises, case studies, and self-assessments to enrich each Volume. All 19 resources are immediately downloadable, so you can get them NOW!
BIGGEST BENEFIT:
YOU’LL NEVER ATTRACT OR WITHSTAND THE ABUSE OF A CHEATER AGAIN!
CLICK HERE FOR THE LOWDOWN:
http://drgilda.com/ebook/WhenYourMateCheats.htm
Been there, done that—and, ahhh!—burned the Victim T-Shirt!!
Dr. Gilda
========
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is a nationally known psychotherapist, relationship expert, & management consultant. She is Match.com’s weekly Suddenly Single advice columnist on MSN.com’s Dating & Personals page. She is also the founder of the video blog, GildaVision, on www.DrGilda.com and YouTube. Her new e-Book is “How to WIN when Your Mate Cheats”: http://drgilda.com/ebook/WhenYourMateCheats.htm She is a motivational speaker, a professor of psychology & communications, and the author of "Don't Bet on the Prince!" (a test question on "Jeopardy!"). DR. GILDA was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing. www.DrGilda.com
Friday, July 4, 2008
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11 comments:
I was betrayed. To make it even worse, my ex told me he had not loved me for two years AND that was even after having our daughter, who was seven months old at the time! We also had, at the time,a son who was four. I had no clue something was wrong. I lived every day like our marriage was "normal". And then to be told a couple days after Christmas 2004?! Yeah, I was shocked and ticked off. Apparently he had been interested in someone at his place of employment for quite some time.(they are now married) Once I got over the shock, I started looking back on things. Man, was I blind! I must have had 50 or so pieces of a puzzle to put together and once everything started falling into place, I could not believe how blind I was to how wrong our relationship was and had been. Put it this way...when we separated, my Mom said something to me that hit me like a Mac truck. Her words were, "welcome back". I looked at her and asked her what she meant. The only thing she said to me was "you are back to your old self again." Apparently I had gotten so wrapped up in how he "wanted me to be" I lost the sense of myself and became this introvert (like he was) and not the outgoing, social butterfly I used to be. Needless to say, I realized what I had and what I was NOT going to have and be again.
In March of 2005, I met a man online. We talked for two weeks before we met in person. I explained to him what had happened and also told him what I expected and what I wanted in a releationship. There was no way I was going to fall back into that hell again. Then we met. He was wonderful and a gentleman like no other.
We are now married and just had a son one month ago. If it had not been for my divorce, I would have been a hermit stuck in my own home and still be in a controlling relationship being told when to come home, asked who was I talking to, where was I going and with who, etc.
Unfortunately it took the divorce to make me realize what type of relationship I was in, but thankfully it happened and it made me a stronger person. I look at this as a "win" for me.
All I ahve to say is if you feel something is wrong, it probably is. If you aren't sure take a good look at the situation or the surroundings with an open mind and a clear head. Don't lie to yourself. You will only hurt yourself..it is not worth it. Your happiness is everything and that should be your number one priority.
Thank you for sharing this. Your story is exactly what I suggest: open your eyes, follow your gut, and leave skid marks if your mate is not ENHANCING the life you are living. As I say in "How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats," my Gilda-Gram is, "When betrayal happens TO you, it really happens FOR you." Understand why you came together, then deal with why you must part. You'll be way healthier down the road--emotionally and physically. And we are ALL we have on this planet, so honor yourself.
Love,
Dr. Gilda
Hi, I've been betrayed as well. I met my ex online, and he seemed like this funny, mysterious guy. But nobody liked him in the beginning. However, stubborn as I was and in a weird period in my life, (this happened a year ago), I decided to not listen to my friends. I started dating him and we got together. Then 6 months later we started having issues. He told me about this girl who had fallen in love with him, a girl who he'd been chatting with and a girl who he referred to as his "friend", only a friend(!).. He failed to mention to HER that he was in a relationship. He told me he was sorry and that he was NOT going to lead her on anymore, and that he was going to carefully (to not hurt HER feelings) cut contacts with her..
So I let it go, on the surface... But then the real drama started, January 08. He hacked into my email account for fun, and it ended in a fight, then a make up in which he ended up giving me his password. Unfortunately, I found out that he still had contact with the other girl and a bunch of other girls online, with whom he flirted etc etc. Blind as I was I forgave him and gave him yet another chance.. Then he started acting weird and uncomfortable from all the lying he'd been doing.. And I really tried to make it work! I was soo hurt, I've never felt pain like that in my life. He kept lying and then I finally broke up, feeling sorry for him because of his past (like six years ago, talk about not getting over things!) issues with an ex. (Typical of a "bad boy")
When I did break up, I decided to contact this other girl, and she told me the whooole story of how HE had told Her that HE had fallen in love with her, and that he wanted to wait for her while she was taking an exchange year in England..
I was so glad I had dumped him. What you're saying Dr. Gilda is exactly what I read in an interview that my professor in American Literature had said: "don't be a victim!".. Those words really came in handy when I was going through those hard times.. I've been single now for two months, since the break up. And all my friends are really happy for me.
In your blog here you said that 65% of the mates work on their betrayals and still stick together. It really made me wonder if I should've stuck together with my ex, but then I just NOW realized that I am still healing and a tad bit blinded, to realize that I've only been having fantasies about him.. We really didn't have any common network of friends etc. I don't have a realistic picture of him, and he himself told me he wasn't ready to make changes in his life..
So who am I to stick around and cry? Not his loving girlfriend anymore!
I'm so happy right now.. I've so much love to give, and so much happiness to share, that I've realized how precious life is:)
Thank you Dr.Gilda, you're amazing;)
I really need some advice..
I found out my boyfriend of 3 years has been cheating. I'm truly hurt, sad, mad, SHOCKED, gosh the list could go on. I'm feeling all of these horrible feelings, and i just dont know what to do about it.
The other morning I woke up & he wasn't there, so I got up only to catch him looking at porn on the internet. I have had this gut feeling for about a month now, so i decided to look into everything more.
Sure enough he had an online life i was completely unaware about. I'm talking photos of girls, postings on craigslist he had posted.. really sick postings! Messages that indicated he was interested in having a "discreet fling," and messages from a girl "hey wanna meet tonight?"
Although i'm not 100% that he has physically cheated on me, I know what he has done is cheating as well. He showed interest in older women, posting that "It's always been a fantasy for me" and "are there any REAL experienced women out there?" Okay enough of what he's done..
Bottom line is i honestly love him with ALL of my heart, and for some reason i want it to work, but i don't wanna be dumb. I confronted him about it last night, and he didnt have much to say. I absolutely HATE getting mad about things, so i tried to talk to him reasonably, i kept calm. I told him that i knew, and i wanted him to tell me so we can talk about it. He just denied it, but not completely. In fact, he tried to make me feel bad, which wasn't working. Called me a liar, and crazy. I'm not crazy. Although i feel like going crazy right now.
I need help. How can i get him to talk about it?
Dear Dr. Gilda can you PLEASE come back to TV. We need you on full time with a talk show to help us all out. If anyone reading this agrees you need to tell her how you feel on her blog. Someone one in Hollywood must read this and I hope gets the Hint to get off there cans and get her back on TV.
lavagirl says i have been betrayed a second time and it hurts more this time then last. We have a different relationship then most he lives out of state and i live here in cali, My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 years and just about 2 weeks ago we split my heart is broken to pieces an i cant get him out of my mind. I cry all the time its really bad when i leave the office at night to come home. I forgave him the first time and took him back with open arms and asked all the same questions why would you cheat on me? The thing is we would talk about the rules and be agreeable to all of them, and the biggest one was Think how you would feel if i was doing that to you? how would you like it? My girlfriend had gave me a heads ups on his cheating so i immediately called him on it and of course he was lyoing up and down said it was his friends wife he was talking to, said the people were lying etc etc.Then later on that night he texted me and told he did cheat, i about fell to the floor my heart stopped beating for a second i had to gasp for air, i was so entirely crushed and hurt i didn't know what to think i tried to be calm but it was hard i didn't get mad though i was so hurt that all i wanted to her him tell me that he was sorry and that he still loved me, naturally we wnet thru the notion of fighting and bringing it up, then here we are again a second time around, and im hurt even more and i do love him very much and i miss him so much. We have not talked in 2 weeks and it feels like eternity. I have changed my cell number beasue i did not want to talk to him but now i do. He knows how to reach me at work he knows my house number but he has not tried to call me once. His last message to me ws a picture of him and he said me loving you even if you dont and it looked like he was crying.Please give me some encouragin advise cause im pulling out my hair. signed lavagirl
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