Friday, April 20, 2007

Why People Love Carrie Underwood’s Cheating Song!

I just returned from covering the Country Music Television Awards in Nashville, Tennessee. Maybelline was one of the major sponsors of this gig, and what a fabulous job they did! AND CMT ROCKS! I even extended my cable service at a higher fee to include this network on my subscription. The awards show has been playing repeatedly on CMT, and, although I was there live and in person, I continue to watch it again and again. (By now y’all know what a devoted country music fan I am!)

"Before He Cheats" is certainly a revenge song, and I promote just the opposite, that the best revenge is doing well—and then watching the cheater SUFFER when s/he sees your success! Ahhh, what power that exudes! But it's also a lesson in assertiveness and resolve. Her video shows her committing destructive acts against her cheater’s car. And she boasts about them as she sings, “I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats…” Certainly not a model for anger management! But after she gets her knocks, she comes out of her rage with, “Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. So, for the sake of all sisters, it might be argued that Underwood is teaching this guy how not to behave with the women who come after her! And then she asserts, “…because the
next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Emerging from her rage, she resolves that she won’t ever find herself in this situation with this dude again! Good for you, girl!! Naturally, the song has become every cuckolded partner’s anthem to get out of Dodge!

Yet, I receive thousands of e-mails from people who were cheated on, and who return to their partners, to the same scene, to the same misery. Their rationalizations range from, “I don’t want to lose my standard of living, my life style, the house, having someone to care about me…” to “But I love him/her.” Oh, puleeeze! What can you possibly love about a cheater? As my Gilda-Gram says, “We attract not who we want, but who we ARE.” If you find yourself with a cheater, and you remain and complain, it’s ONLY because you feel you deserve no better. While them’s fightin’ words, the truth is the truth.

So what should you do if you discover you haven't been your partner’s one and only? Follow this other Gilda-Gram: “To change a cheater, change yourself.” You need not go to Carrie Underwood extremes to set boundaries. Simply say, “Sorry, bud, I’m not taking this treatment any more.” As soon as you lay down your limitations, you, too, will sing, “…because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Ahhh, what a great feeling to know that YOU, not your cheating mate, now hold the reins to your life and future. Watch the sucker crawl!! Then decide to do whatever it is you want to do, but this time, out of STRENGTH, not anger or weakness. Let me know how it goes.

Dr. Gilda


Anonymous said...

I never thought of the song in that way until I read this powerful spin made by Dr. Gilda--no surprize there:) We all need to hear some empowereful guidelines to set us up for high achivements, and such motivational tactics are found in Gilda Grams. Thank you Professor--Dr. Gilda!
Natalya Wells, EDGE 2007

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend "almost" cheated on me with a colleague of mine. She claims she pushed him away, while he claims she asked him to meet her in a hotel later to "finish what they started." I don't know who to believe, but he has repeatedly confirmed his sorrow about what happened and swore it would never happen again. I kicked him out, putting a spin on Beyonce's song, "To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left." My version: "In the street, in the street, everything you own in the middle of the street." Then, after 5 days, I took him back. I know I'll never trust him again. As Dr. Gilda's article warns, I have caught him in numerous little lies. But, as a classic codependent (I have had lots of therapy already), I am hanging on for more pain. Go figure.

Michele said...

I wonder why this song has become so popular when Jo Dee Messina's "My Give A Damn Is Busted" has a much more powerful, empowering, SMART message, definetly a song that every woman should listen to ...

Menes said...

I loved that way to think

If all women could think and act such in life life could be different. Integrity is all.

Never give up

Menes Rafael

Anonymous said...

While one should not become a doormat, asking "What's there to love about a cheater?" is myopic. What if a person is married 25 years and faithful but has one slip (midlife crisis), is remorseful and seeks therapy to change? If everyone developed a zero tolerance stance, there would be an even higher divorce rate than there is. When there is a first time offense after many years of faithfulness, children involved, etc., it is selfish to just be full of foolish pride to save face....without exploring all of the options. It is possible to love a cheater and be intelligent with an intact self esteem. A weak self esteem couldn't take a blow without walking away. A strong person works on it. Divorce effects more than just yourself. Marriage is NOT a fairytale and in a lifetime, people will make mistakes. We have a child. I am giving him a chance to change. One chance but ONLY one.

chansara said...

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