I just returned from covering the Country Music Television Awards in Nashville, Tennessee. Maybelline was one of the major sponsors of this gig, and what a fabulous job they did! AND CMT ROCKS! I even extended my cable service at a higher fee to include this network on my subscription. The awards show has been playing repeatedly on CMT, and, although I was there live and in person, I continue to watch it again and again. (By now y’all know what a devoted country music fan I am!)
"Before He Cheats" is certainly a revenge song, and I promote just the opposite, that the best revenge is doing well—and then watching the cheater SUFFER when s/he sees your success! Ahhh, what power that exudes! But it's also a lesson in assertiveness and resolve. Her video shows her committing destructive acts against her cheater’s car. And she boasts about them as she sings, “I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats…” Certainly not a model for anger management! But after she gets her knocks, she comes out of her rage with, “Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. So, for the sake of all sisters, it might be argued that Underwood is teaching this guy how not to behave with the women who come after her! And then she asserts, “…because the
next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Emerging from her rage, she resolves that she won’t ever find herself in this situation with this dude again! Good for you, girl!! Naturally, the song has become every cuckolded partner’s anthem to get out of Dodge!
Yet, I receive thousands of e-mails from people who were cheated on, and who return to their partners, to the same scene, to the same misery. Their rationalizations range from, “I don’t want to lose my standard of living, my life style, the house, having someone to care about me…” to “But I love him/her.” Oh, puleeeze! What can you possibly love about a cheater? As my Gilda-Gram says, “We attract not who we want, but who we ARE.” If you find yourself with a cheater, and you remain and complain, it’s ONLY because you feel you deserve no better. While them’s fightin’ words, the truth is the truth.
So what should you do if you discover you haven't been your partner’s one and only? Follow this other Gilda-Gram: “To change a cheater, change yourself.” You need not go to Carrie Underwood extremes to set boundaries. Simply say, “Sorry, bud, I’m not taking this treatment any more.” As soon as you lay down your limitations, you, too, will sing, “…because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Ahhh, what a great feeling to know that YOU, not your cheating mate, now hold the reins to your life and future. Watch the sucker crawl!! Then decide to do whatever it is you want to do, but this time, out of STRENGTH, not anger or weakness. Let me know how it goes.