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Thursday, July 14, 2016

My NEW Book: “DON’T LIE ON YOUR BACK FOR A GUY WHO DOESN’T HAVE YOURS”




INTRODUCTION


Who’s Got Your Back?

The expression, “I’ve got your back” means “I’m looking out for you” and “I’ve got you covered, in case anyone badmouths you.”  The meaning of this expression is the same as “I’ve got your 6,” which comes from the military.  The “6” reflects the hour on a clock, with 12 o’clock in front of you, and 6 o’clock behind you.  Have the guys you liked had your 6??

In November 2015, Charlie Sheen announced he had tested positive for HIV four years earlier.  HIV is the virus that causes AIDS.  Sheen’s disclosure came years after he had bragged about all the drugs he had taken, and the 5,000 women he had bedded.   He also shockingly admitted he had sex without a condom after his diagnosis.  Then, it was reported that he was caught on video smoking crack and performing oral sex on another man in 2011, the same year he was diagnosed with HIV.

Question to you, my reader:  Did Charlie Sheen have the backs of the women he might have infected with this deadly virus?

As soon as she found out that Charlie Sheen had HIV, Jenny McCarthy blasted him.  She had played his love interest several times on “Two and a Half Men,” from 2007 to 2011.  She revealed she had to sign on-set releases about her having herpes cold sores, which could be contagious—but not deadly.  So how was it okay, she wondered, for Sheen not to disclose his infection with HIV?  Many other women had also played his love interest on the TV show.

Jenny McCarthy continued that before she married Donnie Wahlberg, when she was single and wanted to have sex with a guy, she insisted that he get an HIV test.  She said, “There is nothing I want to do dumb enough to get any type of disease.  I have to live forever for my (autistic) kid.  So I wouldn’t sleep with anyone until I got the right paperwork.”

McCarthy called what Sheen had concealed as “not fair and scary.”  Other women with whom he had sex called it worse than that.

Charlie Sheen was reckless.  And his sex partners were so numerous, who knows what the ramifications will eventually be?  Was the thrill of having sex with a famous actor more important to these women than protecting themselves from a deadly disease?  Apparently, it was—and it’s too bad, because Sheen surely didn’t have these women’s best interests—or their backs—when he bedded them.  Even after the news of Sheen’s HIV status broke, he told a tabloid, “I should have been more responsible, and more concerned for myself [before he contracted the disease].”  Note his concern for himself only!

Does the guy of your dreams inconvenience himself to make you happy?  Does he defend you from mean people?  Has he got your 6?  Guys who “have your back,” or guys who “have your 6,” are guys who really and truly CARE.  When a guy doesn’t protect and defend his girlfriend, that girl becomes deeply hurt.  Until now, did you even consider the necessity for a guy to cover your 6?

Some celebrities have.  Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, Heidi Klum, Kate Gosselin, Amy Winehouse, and Scarlett Johansson were romantically linked to their bodyguards.  These guys won the stars’ trust by spending much time with them to provide their safety.  It’s also the reason the 1992 movie, The Bodyguard, with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner was such a hit.  Even if a woman doesn’t voice this, every single one of us wants to know our guy will protect us from possible harm.

The only problem is  . . .


Continued in
DON’T LIE ON YOUR BACK FOR A GUY
WHO DOESN’T HAVE YOURS


AVAILABLE HERE: www.amazon.com/author/drgilda 


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Gilda-Gram® "The so-called “winner” in a love triangle wins a booby prize he/she can never trust."

When a Single pursues a mate who belongs to someone else, it’s a clear sign that she herself fears intimacy. Somewhere in her unconscious, she believes that she doesn’t deserve a mate of her own, and she probably suffers from a case of low self-esteem.

In her thinking, whether conscious or unconscious, she would feel better about herself as the winner of a mate’s affections in a tough competition. This is a triad that replays the childhood game of mommy, daddy, and baby-makes-three, where baby continues to compete for the attention of one parent over another. That’s the motive usually behind a Single who competes against a would-be mate’s spouse.

Usually, the outsider must play to her unavailable mate’s schedule, which makes her own life insignificant. But even if she eventually wins the love of her otherwise attached crush, Trust is the immeasurable ability to count on your partner as much as you can count on yourself. The partner you may have stolen away from his spouse now has a history of cheating. Since he’s already done so before, he’s destined to repeat his disloyalty. But even if a Single would rather believe he won’t, how can she ever be sure?

Singles who continue to pursue unavailable partners must discover the reason they avoid a lover who is emotionally and physically within reach. It usually centers on what she believes she deserves. A person’s Deserve Level sets the stage for which she achieves everything or nothing in her life. If a woman doesn’t feel she deserves to have a happy and monogamous relationship, this Deserve Level will dictate her future. When she raises her Deserve Level, that level is what magically appears.
Rather than blame your mate for not leaving his current partner to whom he’s attached, question why you even want to put up with the drama of being with someone who is not available. The hardest part of this questioning is to level with yourself. Do you truly believe you deserve the full enchilada? Or do you think you’re really just entitled to a few measly crumbs? When you realize your motives, you’ll attract a partner who can return your love.

About: ‪‎Dr. Gilda‬ Carle is the media’s Go-To ‪‎Relationship‬ and ‪‎Lifestyle‬ ‪‎Expert‬, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for ‪‎Columbia University‬ Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies ‪‎Country Music‬ to train ‪‎Homeless‬ Female ‪‎Veterans‬ in Civilian ‪‎Success‬ Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for ‪‎Hallmark‬, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a ‪‎keynote‬ ‪‎motivational‬ ‪‎speaker‬, ‪‎Management Consultant‬, ‪‎Professor‬ Emerita, and ‪‎author‬ of 15 ‪‎books‬, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second ‪‎Therapist‬ ” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the therapist in HBO’s ‪‎Emmy Award‬ winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on ‪‎Oprah‬. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show pilot. 


Thursday, April 14, 2016

10 Relationship Red Flags by Dr. Gilda Carle





Because so many people have asked for this, I have devised a Cheataholic Checklist that consists of 10 unusual Relationship Red Flags that can signal oncoming danger.  This Checklist ignites your brain’s 120-millisecond mechanism that warns that you have fallen for one of these Relationship Red Flags in the past.  All you need to do is listen to what your brain tells you!

Of course, relationships are comprised of people, and people change their behavior and their wishes often.  So warning signs that apply to every situation and every personality every time won’t be the same for everyone.  However, there are some general guidelines that people can follow to determine a ready-to-betray mate.  Even if that person is already your partner, examining these guidelines can foster understanding and discussion towards graceful conflict resolution.  I believe in taking restorative healing steps before the opportunity to apply them disappears.

It’s easier to leave a cheataholic in the short term than to become more deeply involved with one over a long and painful haul, only having to exit later.  Similarly, it’s easier to re-ignite the sparks of passion gone astray than it is to wend your way back from a devastating betrayal.
Whether or not they choose to act on what they discover, partners can easily detect the signs of a cheataholic—if they only open their eyes.

Some signs are blatant, but a partner must still be willing to acknowledge that something is out of whack. Obvious signs consist of the mundane: the passenger seat in the car moved out of its usual position, evidence of a new post office box, hairs of a different color found on clothing, the smell of cigarette smoke or perfume, and hushed telephone calls and secret emails. If you feel your partner has pulled away even somewhat, the next step is to investigate why. While these obvious signs just mentioned are pretty common, there are other Red Flags that may or may not be so clear.

The following Cheataholic Checklist consists of 10 not-so-obvious Relationship Red Flags. This list will alert you to some warning traits you might not so readily observe. As you will see, these 10 were derived from burning questions from my clients and readers. When you recognize how your poor treatment is affecting your emotional well being, you will begin to acknowledge many other Red Flags.

CHEATAHOLIC CHECKLIST:
1. Your Partner Keeps You and Your Relationship a Secret
2. Your Partner is Emotionally Absent
3. Your Partner Savors “Exotic” Sex, But Never Shares These Fantasies with You
4. Your Partner’s Family and Friends Have a History of Cheating
5. Your Partner Wants You with No Strings Attached
6. Your Partner Admits to Cheating and Justifies the Betrayal
7. Your Partner has Never Been without a Mate
8. You Partner Craves Constant Attention
9. Your Partner is a Game Player
10. Your Partner Brags about Previous Conquests

***
About: ‪Dr. Gilda‬ Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and ‪Lifestyle‬ Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship ‪Wellness‬ ‪training‬ for ‪Columbia University‬ Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies ‪‎Country Music‬ to train ‪Homeless‬ Female ‪Veterans‬ in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson (Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc). She is a keynote motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, and ‪author‬ of 15 ‪books‬, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the ‪‎therapist‬ in HBO’s ‪Emmy Award‬ winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on ‪Oprah‬. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show pilot.

NEVER-Ask: “Why didn’t he call?" by Dr. Gilda Carle


NEVER-Ask The Question:  “Why didn’t he call?" 
SHOULD-Ask Question: “Did he say he’d call? (I was so busy, I forgot.”)

To be successful in love, the first thing you must do as a Single is be passionate about life at the time when you have no partner.  Become thoroughly immersed in your friends, the courses you’re taking, the books you’re reading, your tennis game, your gardening—or whatever.   Men are able to do this so much more successfully than women.

Gilda-Gram®
A woman who is interested
 becomes very interesting.

Being an interesting person is a necessity because of the abundance of well educated, attractive, available, and hungry potential partners seeking each other.  If you want your unique qualities to be perceived as special, present yourself as a special jewel.

It’s human nature for a person to want someone who is different, refreshing, and unique from the pack.  When you are immersed in the activities that turn you on, you yourself become a turn-on.  Then, an interested man will have to work to divert your attentions toward him.  That may take some doing.

As I write this, I can’t help but think of the George Clooney marriage to Amal Alamuddin. She is a woman drastically unlike those beauties in flesh-peddling businesses he had dated for years.  Amal is an internationally reputed human rights attorney, without enhanced body parts or semi-nude photos.  She has a conservatively “confident and stylish presence,” as People Magazine describes her, and an obvious abundance of grey matter.

When a man makes the investment of time and effort to win a woman’s heart, after he has achieved his goal, he appreciates the prize he’s won—and he very much wants to keep his commitments to her.  That’s basic psychology. 

But even within this realm, men and women have different perceptions of time.  When a guy tells a woman, “I’ll call you,” he means, “I’ll call you after I’ve taken care of the things I need to do.”  In contrast, a woman takes a man’s words literally, and she waits anxiously until he really does dial her digits—or, at least, emails or texts her. 

For many Single women, there’s nothing more depressing than having no message on their voice mail or text.  Therefore, if a woman is not excited by her own life, she buys into the man’s promise to call, and makes it her reason for living.  I bet that wasn’t the case with the woman George Clooney married.  She’s a busy attorney, who would not have time to wonder why he may not have called.  This woman would not have given away the independence that obviously turned him on in the first place.

Gilda-Gram®
We become more attractive when
our availability is scarce.


This is not to say that you should engage in playing games.  In fact, I strongly advise against any sort of game playing.  However, what you MUST do is really become absorbed in the passions you love, just because you want to be involved with them.  These, not a partner, should be your life’s goals.  Then, when the phone does ring, you will be surprised by that someone you had been too busy to even miss!  Better still, that person will be more intrigued by you because you have such an exciting, independent life!  That’s surely what turned on one of the most eligible bachelors on our planet, George Clooney.

***

About: Dr. Gilda Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Lifestyle Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies ‎Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a keynote motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, and author of 15 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the ‎therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show pilot.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Gilda-Gram® - "Friendships Enhance Your Already-Strong Inner Self." by Dr. Gilda Carle

Jason Merritt - Getty Images
Jason Merritt - Getty Images 
Gilda-Gram® - "Friendships Enhance Your Already-Strong Inner Self."

If your friends gossip about you behind your back, put you down, criticize you, and make you feel bad, they are not enhancing your inner self.  To enhance who you already are, friends should build you up, encourage you to pursue your dreams, and give you a general feeling of joy when they’re around you.  Overall, they should be able to do more for you when you’re with them than you can do for yourself when you’re alone.

Even if you’ve had a friend for a long time with whom you have closely bonded, other people, events, and things can often get in the way.  For example, a new girl moves into your class, and you find that you want to spend more time with her than with your best friend.  Or your parents have you on early curfew, but your friend’s folks think it’s okay for her to stay out ‘til midnight.  Or your friend has hooked up with a new guy who she is always with, and you feel like you’re out in the cold.  These situations can cause rifts between you and a friend, even after you’ve been together for many years. 

Changing your friendships might not feel comfortable, but it’s a fact of life.  Changing our likes, our wants, and our tastes is part of the way we grow.  Consider this: When you are 22, do you want to still think as you did when you were 12?  Of course not!

Even though people keep changing and developing, in order for a friendship to last, it must be nurtured by both friends.  If two people want to get together, they must create time for each other, even through the distractions.  If their schedules are packed, they need to arrange times in advance, so they can continue to enjoy the activities they always did. 

                                            ***
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Life Style Expert, serving private clients worldwide as their Performance Coach at www.DrGilda.comShe was the therapist on TV's Sally Jessy Raphael show, has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows.  As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills.  She is also a product spokesperson (Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc), keynote motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, and author of 15 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival).  She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match, and she was the therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah.  She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show pilot.  

Monday, August 10, 2015

WHAT'S WITH HEARTTHROBS & THEIR NANNIES???

A lot of ‪#‎Hollywood‬ heartthrobs go after their nannies because these girls are young, adoring, and subservient. Since they’re barely out of their teens, their assessment faculties are not fully developed. (The prefrontal cortex of the brain skilled at weighing decisions doesn’t mature until the age of 25, if then.) And that’s just fine for the superficial, ego-driven actor. Meanwhile, the wife at home with the kids has seen beyond the mask of the movie star. Now she knows her box office draw is not so princely. So he loves that the nanny returns him to his imagined throne. And for this young girl to actually snag a star is the height of the “get.” Imagine her bragging rights with their impressionable, giddy girlfriends! Sadly, she misinterprets as “love" the excitement of stealing a heartthrob from his wife. But for a while, the nanny begins to believe her own press, just as the movie star has believed his. 

These unions can last—if the nanny remains naïve and enamored, and the heartthrob remains faithful. The likelihood of either or both of those situations occurring is thin. 

About: ‪#‎DrGilda‬ has served as a Product ‪#‎Spokesperson‬ for ‪#‎Hallmark‬, Sprint, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, #Match.com, and other major corporations. For these clients, she has done ‪#‎keynote‬ & ‪#‎motivational‬speeches, satellite media tours, video news releases, columns, infomercials and podcast. The ‪#‎NewYork‬ Times called her "the busiest television ‪#‎therapist‬ in the business." She responds to worldwide fans on her web site, www.DrGilda.com, and she has a private practice worldwide, on Skype, telephone, and email. She is a Relationship ‪#‎WellnessExpert‬ at Columbia ‪#‎University‬ Medical Center. She is also an associate professor of ‪#‎business‬‪#‎psychology‬, and ‪#‎communications‬ at New York's Mercy ‪#‎College‬. Today, she has the honorable title of Professor Emerita.‪#‎Quote‬#Advice ‪#‎KUWTK‬ ‪#‎Author‬ of 15#books ‪#‎Love‬‪#‎Relationship‬ ‪#‎Divorce‬ ‪#‎celebrity‬ ‪#‎benaffleck‬ ‪#‎ChristineOuzounian‬ ‪#‎nanny‬‪#‎scandal‬